Do not be alarmed by the title of this blog post. We are safe, we are still blissfully happy, and we are still loving each other. We did, however, for the first time in six weeks in India, experience an uncanny amount of setbacks and friction within our first two hours off of our overnight bus from McLeod Ganj. Let me explain...
First of all, riding on a bus in India is like riding the spinning tea cups in Disney World. Our driver took wide turns at 70 mph, while lighting a cigarette, and honking at oncoming traffic. I literally felt nauseous and fearful for eight hours. Not to mention, when the bus parked at a rest stop at 2am, Missy and I inquired as to where the toilet was located, and the shop owners kept pointing towards a dark and vacant parking lot. About five minutes went by until we realized, "Ohhhh...the parking lot IS the toilet..." I won't elaborate.
Shimla is a hill station in Northern India. It is a popular vacation destination for wealthy Indian families. The Western influence in this town is extremely apparent. I mean, you can get a hot dog here...enough said. When we finally arrived to Shimla in the morning, with our backpacks covered in soot from being in the trunk of the bus, we announced our destination to our cab driver, and we were off. Ten minutes later, we arrived at a five star resort and he put the cab in park. "Ummmm no. Sir. Do we look like we would be staying here?" He had heard us wrong and taken us in the complete opposite direction of our hotel. He also wanted an additional 300 rupees to take us to the correct desination. Not okay. Usually I am generous with people since we are guests in their country, but after an 11 hour trip from hell, I was not amused. Nor was Missy. We argued on the side of the road for a good ten minutes. "Why would we pay you more money to take us to our original requested destination?" Finally, we reached a happy medium and went on our way. When we got to the correct hotel, we were showed to our cell. Yes, I say "our cell" because it contained a bed, a dirty blanket, and was entrapped by a barred gate. We took one look at each other and walked right out of the place. After some encouraging words to one another, we vowed to find somewhere else to stay that would be super.
"You want place to sleep?" Normally, we would ignore these hagglers trying to get us to stay in their hotel so they can collect their commission. But, at this point, I was about to set up shop on the nearest bench. "Sir...if you can you get us a nice room with hot water for 800 rupees...we will follow you". "Yes yes...best views in town and 24 hours hot water...come come". "Sir...for 800 rupees can you we get all that?" "Yes...800...come come". WRONG. Upon arrival to said hotel, my shoulders were numb and Missy's calves were on fire. We were showed two rooms not for 800 rupees. Our options were a room without a view for 900 rupees or a room with a beautiful view for 1200 rupees. "FINE we will take the 900 rupee room". Of course, our haggler hung around while we filled out all the paperwork so that he could collect a tip from us. I gave him my smallest note possible.
In order not to drone on and on, basically what happened next was a lapse in morals. One of the hotel workers took us to the 1200 rupee room with the view by mistake. Missy and I did realize this, but felt it was our right to have this room, so we didn't say anything. We started unpacking. "I bet there is a knock on the door in two minutes telling us they took us to the wrong room". Knock knock. "Shit!" "Mam...I am here to turn on your hot water". "Oh...okay...thanks". (Two minutes later)....knock knock. "Here it is!" "Mam...here are your towels and an extra blanket". "Oh...okay...thanks". (Five minutes later)...knock knock. "AHHHHHHHHH". "Mam...if you need anything dial 9; also, can I have one photo with you two?" Are you serious dude? No...no you cannot have a photo with us. "Not right now sir...thank you bye". At this point, Missy is in bed laughing at the situation and I am saying inappropriate things under my breathe. So, we showered, washed some clothes in the sink and hung them to dry under the "absolutely no clothes washing in the rooms" sign, got dressed, and went out for a few hours. Upon our return in the afternoon, we were caught. Knock knock. "Umm mam...this is not your room, please go to reception. BUSTED.
During our meandering around town the first day, we were approached by a gentleman and went through our usual dialogue. "Excuse me...what country?" "We're from the USA". "Ohhh I have friends in Denver!" That's like telling someone from Beijing that you know someone in Shanghai. Congratulations. Our friend told us that he is from Shimla and has been practicing yoga and astrology for 29 years. In fact, says our friend, he has not taken medicine in 20 years. Impressive. Then he turned to Missy and said: "You need to drink water. You have very low blood pressure. If you should give blood, you will faint". HAHAHAH...what? Crazy man. We humored him for five more minutes then slowly started backing away. About 36 hours later, as I was walking around town alone, I heard from behind me: "Excuse me! What country?" It was him. "USA". "Ahhh I have friends in Denver!" "Yes...I am aware". Pause. "You need water. You have very low blood pressure. If you were to give blood, you would faint". Seeya buddy.
For six weeks now, Missy has been saying: "The thing I miss most in India is Mexican food. I just want some chips and salsa". So, you can imagine what sort of reaction she had when we crossed paths with a restaurant advertising "MEXICAN" in red lights. I mean we pratically did cheerleading jumps and somersaults in the air. "Let's not eat the rest of the day so that when we come back for chips and burritos, we are reallllly hungry". So, what did we do to pass the time until we reached the appropriate hunger level to consume our Mexican meal? We laid in out hotel room (the right one), put on mud masks, and watched The Firm and Ferris Bueller's Day Off on HBO. If this town is allergic to us, then we will be as American as possible!!! After two movies, our stomachs were growling. We were so excited. Honestly, we ran to the Mexican place. We waited in anticipation after we ordered a helping of chips and salsa. What happened next, would have made Don Pablo roll over in his grave. The waiter brought us ten tortilla chips and a small cup of salsa. Umm...sir. We are Americans. What do you want us to do with this? Please just bring us the bag and noone will get hurt.
For our monkey attack story, please see prior post.
The rest of our time in Shimla was spent watching Lindsay Lohan movies on HBO, reading books in a coffee shop, hiking to a waterfall, and eating ice cream. I am actually looking forward to getting back to "normal India". "Vacation spot India" does not bode well with us. SEEYA SHIMLA.
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